I wrote this short story about three years ago….

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Anna never saw it coming.

Jennifer rushed Anna from behind and tackled her to the hard pavement. It was a force that caused a gorgeous kaleidoscope of strawberry blonde hair and textbooks to fill the afternoon sky. Susie, who had been walking with Anna screamed in terror as she saw and heard her best friend’s face smash to the ground with the same thud a greasy watermelon makes when you drop it in the store. Blood flew from Anna’s pouty, full Irish lips onto her off-white, ankle socks. Jennifer’s hand wriggled through Anna’s hair like a pack of snakes in a fire. A second hand forged around the front followed by a tanned, olive skin forearm that wanted to root itself in someone’s unfortunate chest. With all of her weight, Jennifer collapsed on the small of Anna’s back, with a death grip on her hair and a tree trunk around her throat.

Susie continued to scream. Stop it. STOP IT!

With a slow shift of her head, a squint of her cold grey eyes, and slight snarl of her lips, Jennifer looked at Susie, and told her to get on her knees. Susie stood frozen. Crying, and shaking.

“GET ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES NEXT TO ME NOW.”

Susie could hear her friend gasping and breathing through her bloody nose. A mixture of spit and blood was collecting on the ground. She remained frozen.

Jennifer frowned and plowed Anna’s face to the pavement, this time the thud with a snap. Like if you were to drop a greasy watermelon on a breadstick. A tooth?

“Now.”

Susie slowly dropped to her knees next to Jennifer, the way you would when you know the warden isnt around.

“Good bitch. Now. I want you to pull the hair away from her neck. Do it now.”

Not wanting her best friend to loose another tooth, she obliged. Very carressingly to signal to Anna that it would all be over soon.

“Now pull her shirt collar over her shoulder.”

Again, but confusingly, Susie did as she was instructed. Like you would if your best friend were about to loose another tooth.

“Now…i want you to bite her shoulder or i will snap her neck.”

Susie began whimpering and shaking her head no no no no…the way you would when you look in the bathroom and “discover” that your father didnt get the promotion he was counting on.

“I swear…if you dont..”

“ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I will!” Susie slowly lowered her head to Anna’s shoulder and whispered to her…”Im so sorry…im so sorry….im so sorry……”

And bit.

No whimper. No sound. It was as if Anna never felt it.

“Taste it?” Susie’s tongue immediately knew what Jennifer was asking. But her brain didnt. Susie couldnt believe it. “I said, Can you taste it?”

Susie slowly turned her head toward Jennifer’s eager predatory gaze. And slowly began to chew the chunk she had in her mouth. As she chewed, she quickly looked back at Anna whom continued to bleed. her eyes squinted, not believing.

“Cake.”

Jennifer nodded, and began to let up her restraint on Anna.

Susie began to talk, but the overwhelming vanilla and strawberry flavor filled her nose and throat. Her tongue lashed against her teeth and lips to get every bit of it, just to make sure.

“I dont underst…”

“You dont need to. Just know this, i was sent here 19 years ago to make sure this project never learned to walk. Needless to say…..she learned.”

“But….cake.”

Jennifer allowed Anna’s jaw to collapse in her own blood. She slowly stood up and sweetly took Susie by the hand, stepping over Anna. She helped Susie to her feet and hugged her.

“Now, we need to go see your mother.”

When i refer to my fat days, when i was close to 90 lbs heavier, i refer to them as the “mayonnaise days”…

I wasnt completely obsessed with mayo per se, but it illustrates the complete Bacchanalian way in which i consumed food. Fried this, sweet that, creamy those, greasy thems……you get the idea.

I refer to mayo as the overall objectification of what i thought gave me happiness.

That word, happiness…..fucking funny idn’t it?

Cuz what is “happy”?

“You should be happy……HAPPY.”

Its such an easy word for us all to say, and even easier to suggest someone how to feel. I used to have this theory that no one could exactly quantify an exact emotion they are feeling, unless they stopped time, or perhaps mentally snapshot it, and referred to it in the past.

As in…..”At 4:54am, as i was groggy eyed, arthritic and underslept, that first sip of coffee made me HORNY because i got a boner from HAPPINESS from the caffeine coursing through my blood.”

So yeah, no one is kinetically one emotion. Its ever changing. Because maybe at 4:56am, i dropped said coffee on the back of a goat and it pissed him off and then i got rammed in the harbuls. That made me….UNHAPPY. And perhaps sopranoed. (Goat was pissed too)

But in my old age and year plus whatever of growing and finding myself again, ive come to the realization that certain people, certain situations, certain smells, certain new bands, and certain times of the day that you have that first sip of coffee and that well deserved drag of the cigarette, that yeah…..

There is a general feeling of goodness and warmth that washes over me. I feel less stressed, i feel healthier (in mind, body and spirit), and i know that someday that maybe i wont attain a perfect nirvana, but im alot closer to it than i have been in a very long time. I worry for people im very close to, and i i am often sad that i cannot be there for them, but ive found a clarity in my soul that i havent had in ages. A clarity that allows me five minutes peace when my fucking brain needs to shut off. Despite all outside stresses……i have a stability.

I can smile.

Some people call that “happiness”.

A past counselor would have called that “happiness”.

I guess i am “content”..or “blithe” or “jubilant” or “upbeat” or “delighted” or….im beginning to enjoy mayonnaise again. But this time, it heals my soul.

Fuck this……Im goddamn happy.

So first off, let me get this out of the way…..

Sex in the City - drunk, rich, giggling cunts. There. Now that we got that out of the way….brutality.

Yesterday i managed to score some tickets to the sold out Dethklok show at the Fillmore. Having seen Soilent Green MANY times as a kiddy, and not really appreciating what Chimaera has to offer, we decided to skate down later on, and miss the openers…. Upon descending down Geary to the Fillmore, we saw a few people that could be judged as teenage metal fans mumbling shit like “….better come back….” and “….burn it down….”…..Summers and i joked that in true Dethklok fashion something bad has, or will happen at this show. I mean, seriously, every episode usually results in throngs of people being melted or Finnish trolls being summoned…..

So we get there, and the inevitable has happened…..

(Read the rest of this story.)

I did it to marry people.

Boom…plain and simple…if i ever marry again, it will be someone we both know joining us….not a stranger. You need a close person to catalyze the union of two people….spiritually…and in the eyes of the law.

Not god…its about two people. Not the man or woman in the robe.

Im not a religious guy…..im spiritual as fuck, but not religious.

It occurred to me that alot of my friends arent religious either….sure, we will celebrate Lootsmas and Feaster all day long, but it has a deeper meaning. It aint about Jeebus….its about gah…..love, and the connection you have with everyone else.

I think people go to the church for marriage ceremonies because its the same as going to Jiffy Lube to change your oil.

You dont have to go there….just most do because its where we think were supposed to go.

But then i got deeper with it.

Youy take away the “guy in robes” or the “guy on the cross” or even the “blue chick with 9 arms” and you have a basic preface that spans across the faiths that is this….”be nice.”

Thats it….just fucking be nice. Be down to earth. Sure, through the years alot fo bullshit has caused it to manifest into a judgment fest. Like, “Why should i be nice to the “gays, blacks, immigrants”, etc…and its bullshit. People ARE different, but we all appreciate when someone is on the level and down to earth.

It struck me as odd that the only REAL organized religion about being real, respecting others and doing whatever the fuck you wanted to was……drum roll……Satanism.

I find Satanism to be just as, if not more bullshit as other religions, but it dawned on me that our ignorant society equates Satanism with a stigma of blood, sex, and the Devil. (Hello? New Testament much?) and calls it evil….when it was basically created as a joke by Anton Lavay to “do whatever the fuck you want”.

That said, it then dawned on me that with all this bullshit namebrand religion out there, and the state of how fucked up the world is (does it look like religion is helping?) people …..may…..not….need it.

Tehy may just need someone to tell them….”That guilt you feel when you say a dumb thing to your boss at a company happy hour…. you fucked up…great…god isnt gonna help you. But we all fuck up….suck it up and apologize. The neighbor you secretly pine for with her Kardashian ass, eats at you at night as you lay next to your significant other. Guilt? No way….not unless youre an asshole that acts on it. And if you did, you have other issues god cant help you with.

The point is…no one ever tells anyone the 7 Sins are ok.

It makes us human.

We are nothing more than bald apes with the ability to determine right from wrong, and abilities to create shit like fear, destiny and sauce for pizza.

The ones that cant determine that, cant grasp the basics of being spiritually human.

And they need more than god.

Innocently walking outside to enjoy a smoke today, i happened to notice……chaos….

Right outside my door.

I ran in and grabbed my trusty NEW Sony Alpha A100 and started snapping pics.

I was also Dugg on this….so check it out and DIGG! <-Clicky

Also….a direct link to My Flickr set <- Clicky

Fucking hell i love the Bay Area….

This is after 3 tests.

iPhone officially Jailbroken.

My phone now has command line BSD, VNC, NES and PlayStation emulators and a mini synth.

Suck on it.

It doesnt get much better than this shot.

This is insane….

The drummer is an Italian guy named Andrea Vadrucci….

Its mostly a standard 4/4 time, but you can tell his talent is sick with the fills.

I just bought an iPhone….

What can’t this thing do?

Recently discovered podcasts too and ripped DVDs with Handbrake….

We watched metalocalypse on the way to work….

Oh yeAh….I just blogged all this from it.

Next is Jailbreaking once 1.1.3 has a virginizer

Hello VNC and command line fun.